.:Depression – What is it, and isn’t:.

Depression.  It is such a small word for such a long road. I want to share with all of you what it is, and what it isn’t.  Many of us suffer with it in some form or another and then there are those select few that just don’t understand.  So, without further ado, I am going to shine a bit of a light on it, in the Lilly way.

Depression is the severe feeling of despondency and dejection. By medical terms. It is a common but serious mental disorder. So let me bullet point this (I LOVE ME SOME BULLET POINTS YO!):

  • Depression is a REAL THING. It isn’t something that is just boom you can get over it. IT IS A MENTAL STATE.
  • Depression can and will affect people in different ways.  While some people are hardly able to get out of bed, some will do menial things, like sink into a Television screen.  Okay, that sounds bad like I am talking about the scene in “Nightmare on Elm Street” where the TV picks up the girl and shoves her hea…..  Okay, stopping here.
  • Depression can be treated.  There are ways to get out of a funk.  Whether it is meditation, mediCation or therapy. You can find help.

All of us have periods of sadness.  Whether it is a break-up, a loss of a job or home, it comes on.  Sadness is a part of every day life and something that will never go away.  Depression on the other hand is deeper than that.  It is the loss of will.  Things that we used to be interested in just lose their oomph.  No motivation to get out there and take on the world.  It is the feeling of inadequacy.  Eating too much, or too little.  Now, you might say that these all sound like SAD symptoms, and you are right.  They are.  BUT it is when they extend past that point, last for a lot longer than usual.

Let’s say there is a girl named Bertha May Magillycutty. Bertha has been in a relationship with Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen.  Then Bertha and Smitty break up.  She is sad, ends up losing interest, starts eating buckets of ice cream while watching The Notebook.  After a few days she gets leveled out and begins picking up the pieces.

Now here is the way the Depressed Mind gets.

Bertha and Smitty break up.  She is heartbroken.  Cannot get out of bed, she lets herself go.  Doesn’t shower, brush her hair.  She doesn’t leave the house. She is in a downward spiral. Where the first Bertha began picking up the pieces, this Bertha looks at the pieces all strewn around the floor and gets frustrated by the amount of them are on the floor.  She sees them as a wave of pieces that she couldn’t possibly pick up.  So she sits in the middle of that pieces strewn floor and loses herself in them.

So there it is my friends.  How DEPRESSION is.  It is wave after wave of pieces that we just feel we won’t be able to put back together because there are just so many. So we sink lower and lower into the blackness.

It, Depression, interferes with the daily lives of those that it grabs, like a torturous villain. It causes pain, not only to the person being held “captive” but those around them too. It doesn’t at all mean that those suffering from depression is weak, by no means.  It just means that we are overwhelmed.

Like I said before, too many times depression is overlooked. It is “diagnosed” as just sadness, or another sickness. But I am going to give a short list of symptoms that we can look for in ourselves or those around us.

  • Loss of interest in things previously enjoyed.  (Hobbies, Sports, etc)
  • Difficulty in making decisions, or remembering planned things.
  • Restlessness or irritability.
  • Weight gain or loss.
  • Fatigue or lethargy.
  • Feelings of being worthless, useless, unneeded.
  • Difficulty sleeping.  Either too little, or too much.
  • Hopelessness

There are many different types of depression as well.  I will not go into detail of them, since this is already running long, but there is one that I want to bring up.  Bipolar Disorder.

Bipolar is NOT the same as depression.  While a person that suffers from Bipolar disorder, does have extremely low moods, they also have very HIGH moods.  They can been down and out, or excessively happy.

What I want all of you to know is that no matter how severe depression is, it IS treatable. Using meditation techniques helps soothe over whatever wounds are creating the issue.  Find a quiet spot, fill it with candles and smell good things and just sit and relax.  Just allow your mind to wander.  Lay down if you must, but you need to clear your mind and just allow it to roam.  If something comes in, push it out and keep your head clear.

You may also decide that medications are in order. There are many different types out there, you need to speak to your doctor to find which one suits you. Non-narcotic types are out there, just figure which works.

Therapy is a great way to get a handle on depression.  Speak about how your feeling with a medical therapist.  Just let it out.

Keep a journal.  Put in all of your feelings, the pain, heartache and then when you are done with that one, burn it.  And then as the smoke flows up into the sky, visualize that your hurt is going with it.

A mixture of all of these could help.  But the most important thing is for you to know that you are NOT alone in this.  You have family, friends (online and off) that are going to be there for you.  Goodness knows that I am.

Now depression is not something that can be dropped at turn of a hat.  Saying “Just get over it,” is not a good treatment option.  This ‘sadness’ goes a lot deeper.  It is the loss of hope and desire.  You cannot just dust those off and boom, shiny and new.  I wish it would, but it won’t. It isn’t something that can be just shooed away.  It is deep rooted and seeded, and the only thing that can help is HELP.

Study about depression.  Research about it friends.  And remember, no matter what, you can get passed this. You got it.



.:Grief – Missing my Fur Son:.

Hello friends.  I hope that all of you are smiling today.  Unfortunately, today is a sad day for me.  So let me explain why.

About 4 years ago, I was handed this little kitten.  He was tiny and sick and my heart just skipped a beat.  The woman that had brought him over asked us for an egg.  She said that the mother cat wouldn’t feed him, so they were giving him cows milk and wanted to feed him a raw egg.  I held this little being in my hands, and pressed him to my chest and couldn’t stop the words from spilling out.  “He’s mine.”  The woman looked at me in shock, confused by what I was saying.  I repeated, “He’s mine. He’s my Nigelis”  I could feel anger pouring into me as I felt his little heart struggling to beat.  I was furious.  She left soon after, going to ask the owners if I could have him, and soon returned with the now lifeless body with her.  I grabbed him and put him back onto my chest, rubbed his little back and felt a breath come, and another as his body warmed.  I ran to the store and grabbed everything that I could think of.  Kitten formula, tiny bottles, even little toys. I stayed awake all night, that little boy burrowed into my shirt, his ear pressed to my heart.  Every hour he would move and I would feed him and he started getting stronger.  His little eyes weren’t even open.  I would clean him, and snuggle him.  And every night he would lay on my chest.  Weeks went by and finally his white fur was beginning to shine like a star.  And then I seen it.  Bright blue eyes watching me.

Love filled me so intensely.  This was my son. My child and I loved him.  Just like I loved my human children.  The milestones passed quickly.  His first steps, his first play, his first solid foods, his eyes changing from blue to copper.  My heart swelled even more.  This tiny little kitten was becoming my whole life, my everything.  He wouldn’t sleep in his bed any more, he had to sleep with me.  And would yell if I left the room.  He had a voice, and the voice said “Mama.”  That little tiny fur child would yell Mama.

And then something happened.  He got sick.  He stopped walking properly.  He had constant diarrhea.  And then the seizures happened.  My son, my Nigelis had epilepsy, the very disease that I have to conquer every day.

We fought through everything together, me and my little Angel.

Two long and glorious years I held that precious bundle in my arms.  Loving him so deeply that I couldn’t breathe.  My heart holding him close.

And then one day, he attacked my daughter.  He ripped into her like she was some monster he was at war with.  Her legs were covered in blood.  Huge scratches and bite marks covered her skin.  And it was as I was holding him down that he looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears and I heard one last “Mama.”  I knew it was time.  He was begging me to let him go.  I could almost hear a voice in my head saying that it was time to let him go, that I just never listened.  He struck out the only way he knew how, knowing that I would finally pay attention.

That night I had to release him.  He passed away a year and 4 months ago.

It still hurts.  It still fills my dreams.  I know it is what he needed, but in the end, I still feel like I murdered my son.

I love you Nigelis.  I will always love you.  I will always miss the way you always wanted to snuggle, the way you always made me smile.  The way you would go still as a statue when I caught you in the garbage can.  The way you would yell Mom as you were getting a bath.  The way you would wear a coconut on your head.  The way you would stick your tongue out at me and make me laugh.

God I miss you so much.

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