.:A Little About Me:.

Hello friends!  How is your day?  I hope it is filled with beautiful things.

I am seeing that there is a lot of new people here, and I just wanted to give a little bit of information about who I am; well, and some about what I do here.

First off, I need to explain that I am a very eclectic person.  I do a lot of stuff here.  I review products and places, movies and books.  Just anything that really tickles my fancy. I also like to give my advice about certain situations.  If you read back on some of my posts, I am sure that will be obvious.

You will also find that many times when I am sleepy (or sick) I will ramble and just put my thoughts out there. There are things that I feel that I could share about what is going on with me that might help others.

See, the thing is I’m sick. I have been for a long time.  I ended up with epilepsy when I was a baby after having an allergic reaction to the Pertussis part of the DtP vaccine. I have had seizures all my life, so please do not worry about me, or feel sorry. I am used to it.  I also have very severe Fibromyalgia. I hurt so bad sometimes that I cannot get out of bed, and walking has become a serious issue.  Something else about me is that I have every symptom of Multiple Sclerosis, but they cannot find the lesions.  It is a mess honestly. Due to this foolishness, it has brought on a case of depression that I cannot seem to shake.  Even though I have tried.

I am fully disabled and it breaks my heart.  That fixed income, while it keeps a roof over my family’s head, is just not enough to do the things that my children should be able to.  I should be working and here I am, 6 in the morning not able to sleep (AGAIN) and rambling.  I do love this time of morning though.  The world around you turns this beautiful shade of blue.  Everywhere you look, the color seeks you out and gives peace.

I want all of you to understand one thing, if you take anything at all.

A sickness doesn’t define who you are. How we approach our sickness is. If you cower with fear, you do not succeed. The battle is lost.  But if you stand up, look at it in the face and stand strong, you can and will grow stronger in the face of adversity.  You begin to learn things about yourself, about those around you.  And that too makes you stronger.

So, my lovely friends.  Stand Strong.  Follow your dreams and just live in a happy place.

I love all of you.

L.

PS!  Review for a movie is coming out tomorrow!

.:When Doctors Do Not Know What Is Wrong:.

Today friends, I would like to speak about something that has been in my mind for a while.  To those of you that have been here for a while, you know that I have a few medical issues. But for those that are new, I shall explain.

I have epilepsy, fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis, and Asthma. I am fully disabled, and spend a lot of my time in severe pain. Unfortunately in my area, the doctors most of the time either do not care, or they don’t know what is going on. *thinks for a moment* Okay, I think I need to explain this better.

For the past 3 years, it has gotten harder and harder for me to walk any distance.  I get up and go to the restroom and I feel like I have run 5 miles. My breath is coming in gasps, my lungs are whistling like the Pied Piper and my heart feels like it is skipping beats. I have talked with 2 doctors about this, both of which have said, “Oh, there is nothing wrong.” I have had X-Rays on broken bones, and I get “Its nothing.”

I cannot figure out whether or not they are just incompetent, or unwilling to help me. It has went so far, that they swear I am perfectly healthy. Which in turn gets the social security office in an uproar. So now that is something I have to deal with. I would love to work, I would love to be able to “bring home the bacon” so to speak, but as my last employer said, “Lilly, we love that you work here, but with your issues, you are a liability.” And once an possible employer hears of the issues, poof, opportunity GONE.

The reason I am writing this is to explain something that I have learned over the years.

Doctors do not know what they are doing fully.  That is why they call it a Medical PRACTICE. On top of that, you have the doctors that feel that a person that has insurance isn’t worthy of care. Sad to say, that is 95% of the doctors in my area. Too many people put money as the main goal in anything they do, and it makes those that need help suffer. It creates this wedge within the system that destroys the Hippocratic Oath that each of them take.

Now, I guess I need to explain to those of you that do not know the Oath.  

“The Hippocratic Oath is an oath historically taken by physicians. It is one of the most widely known of Greek medical texts. In its original form, it requires a new physician to swear, by a number of healing gods, to uphold specific ethical standards. Of historic and traditional value, the oath is considered a rite of passage for practitioners of medicine in many countries, although nowadays various modernized versions are often used; the message delivered is still the same: do no harm.

Hippocrates is often called the father of medicine in Western culture. The original oath was written in Ionic Greek, in the late Fifth Century BC. It is usually included in the Hippocratic Corpus.

Scholars widely believe that Hippocrates or one of his students wrote the oath between the 5th and 3rd century BC. Alternatively, classical scholar Ludwig Edelstein proposed that the oath was written by the Pythagoreans, an idea that others questioned for lack of evidence for a school of Pythagorean medicine.”

This was taken from the Wiki page, that speaks about what the Oath is.  You will see one part that I have underlined.  Do No Harm.

Being a doctor is not about how many accolades you get, or about the car you drive.  It isn’t about that big house and the big screen TV.  It isn’t about the amount in your bank account or the vacations you take.  It is about helping people that need it. Having empathy, and a sense of dedication to your patients.  Not all of us have huge sums of money to shell out for a visit.  But we are still in need.

I don’t know what any of you can take from this, but it is something I truly needed to get off my chest. The only thing I know is that YOU are the only one that truly knows your body, and what it says.  Only you can determine that something is wrong.  Listen to what it says.  And if your doctor is unwilling to listen, then find one that will.

Much love,

L.

.:Product Reviews vs. Huge Haul Videos:.

Hey friends!  I do hope that all of you are doing well.  In my previous blog, I wrote about hauls and whatnot and how to not take the “overkill” to heart.  Yes, I still feel that showing off all this stuff that you bought is just beckoning others to feel bad about their inability to do so.

BUT a very nice person (keeping ya name quiet dear for privacy sake!) brought up a great point in a comment about how they watch “haul” videos for the sake of seeing how good a product is.  And I definitely agree with that.

I do also need to explain that I do not begrudge all the wholollies and whatsamajiggers that people are able to buy.  Hell, I am happy that they are able to.  They work  hard for the stuff so I can’t get mad about that.  The thing that really bothered me the other day is how all this stuff that a certain YouTuber bought came to over 1200 USD!  I know that many of us out here aren’t able to just willy nilly spend a small fortune on clothes and shoes, but want so much to be able to.  So many of us aren’t able to due to lack of work, disabilities, or just not able to cover immense amounts of things.  Hell to me, being able to buy a t-shirt is like a gift from Santa.

I just wanted all of you to know that, no matter what you have, no matter who you are, stuff isn’t important. Material things isn’t what makes you who you are.  It is you.  Your personality, your heart, your very soul makes you a wonderful and beautiful person.  And I LOVE you for that.

Just know that while I will be doing reviews of products, it isn’t to show off. It is only to give you the information that you need if you want to know about a product.  But it won’t be high dollar stuff. Just sayin.

Be you and Be True my friends.

L.

(P.S.  Got a review coming up for all of you of a product soon!)

.:My thoughts on Haul Videos:.

Alright friends.  I know that many of you enjoy watching haul videos, but I know that someone you are just just me and feel that they are a bit on the “look at me and what I got!” spectrum.  First I want to explain what I mean and then I will set an example.

 

The “Look at me and what I got” spectrum is how I feel when I see other people doing haul videos.  (Note here: I do not mind watching videos like, what I got for xmas, or birthday. Let that be clear. I am happy that people share those videos showing the love in a family. Love doesn’t always involved gifts though!  Remember that!) It is what they are presenting when they show off what they “buy” for themselves. It is, to me, like a boot to the face to those that are unable to buy the things that are being “pushed” on the viewers. There are a lot of us out there that are unable to buy the high dollar things.  We are living paycheck to paycheck, trying to figure out how the hell we are going to pay our bills, or shopping at dollar stores and Walmart.  Many of the viewers that are on those “haul” videos are underage or are not financially able to buy the stuff that are being shown.  108 dollars for a TSHIRT? I don’t think so.

As for my example, I decided to see what the deal was with the haul videos.  And I watched one higher up YouTuber with a video called “Fashion Haul and Shoe Unboxing” and let me tell you people, HOLY CHEEZITS. I remember sitting there and going “OMG I love that shirt!”  or “Those boots are amazing!!” until I came back to my senses and decided to really pay attention to what was being shown.  I wrote down the names of each of the products, and then set about to investigate. I went to the website where the things were bought and I searched for EACH THING.  And to tell you the truth, I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had just stepped back and forgot about it.

All together, this Youtuber paid…. in excess of 1200 dollars.  So let me break this down for you.

  • 100 boots
  • 54.40 tshirt
  • 49.50 tshirt
  • 103.50 tshirt
  • 188 sweater
  • 42 tshirt on sale
  • 88 boots
  • 72 purse
  • 64 shoes on sale
  • 70 boots
  • 36 tshirt
  • 64 shoes on sale
  • 72 boots on sale
  • 80 boots on sale
  • other random objects that were unavailable

Total coming to 1260.60 just for the stuff I could find.

I felt myself have a small heart attack.  I couldn’t believe it.  So I done a bit more investigating.  I began looking at the comments.  Most of which were “I love that sweater, but I just don’t have the money for that.” or “Wow, those boots are fab, do you know where I could find them cheaper?”

I am not going to sit here and begrudge a person for spending a small fortune on OBJECTS. I really won’t.  But what I will begrudge is a person that flaunts it for the world to see, without thought that those that are unable to get things like that.  Not all of us are able to. And not being able to is NOT A BAD THING.  There are many of us that are able to be happy about what we have.  IT isn’t about settling either.  It is about knowing the difference between what is worth it, and what isn’t.

Just having an object doesn’t make the world go ’round.  Yes, even I sometimes wish that I had a fortune to spend on menial foolishness.  But I also know that what I do have, and I cherish every single bit.

Friends, don’t ever watch those videos if they make you feel like crap for not being able to afford what another has.  Envy is not a good thing.  Learn to appreciate and love what you do have.  One of these days, you will get up there, you will be able to set your mark, but just remember, don’t flaunt it.

L.

Yes, it has been forever… I know.

I know that it has been a while since I have really updated this, or even really thought about it, but boy let me tell ya.  When the sky falls, it comes in an avalanche of foolishness and stupidity.

I don’t want to get into the whole “poor me” silliness, but bring to light something that I think a lot of us need to do.  In the process, I will explain the why’s.

Firstly, all of you need to make sure that you are paying attention to what your medical provider writes and says in their reports.  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!  Many doctors offices/emergency service places will have a website that you can sign up to so you can look at the reports that have been written.  READ EVERY SINGLE REPORT.

As a few of you know, I am fully disabled.  I have been for about 4 years now.  I have epilepsy, MS, fibromyalgia, severe depression and chronic migraines.  I have been going to the same doctor since I was placed into “Disability” status.

A few months back (October to be specific) I received a call from the Department of Social Security.  They said that due to my “wellness” I am going to be removed from Disability.  That threw me into a loop. I had no idea why, no understanding of what they were saying. My depression and stress went to such a level that I just laid in bed and cried.  All I kept thinking about is the last job that I had.  The manager said, and I quote, “You are a great worker, but we cannot have you work here any longer.  You are a liability to the company, and to the customers.”  Keep in mind that this happened on Christmas Eve 5 years ago.

So you can understand a little about how I felt about wondering how I would be able to explain to my doctors that I have these issues and WHO would want to hire someone that has the issues I do.

After my initial plummet into the giant black hole of despair, I began to question WHY.  Why is this happening?  So I in turn began looking at my medical reports. EVERY SINGLE ONE FOR THE PAST YEAR WAS FALSIFIED.  When I told them what issues that I am having, they put in the report “Patient is not showing any signs of sickness, depression, epilepsy or migraines.”

Okay, let me explain this a little bit better.  Since waffling is happening.  And I will even do a number thingie to make it a little easier to understand.

  • When asked if I am afraid of falling (which they ask) the answer is always: “Yes. I am, but I know it is going to happen.  I am more afraid of what I am going to hurt.” To which they wrote, “Patient is not experiencing any problems with walking and can walk unassisted.” Um…  Wrong.  I use a cane, and have to have someone with me at all times.  I cannot even be left alone for long periods of time due to the fear of ‘falling.’ So how can I NOT be experiencing NO issues with walking?
  • “Blood tests have all come back normal.” I looked at the reports on my blood work.  Why are all these either too high or too low?  Yes Dr.  I do understand what blood results mean.  But no, all things are NORMAL.
  • “Patient does not have any depression,is happy and has a happy mindset.”  Um… If that was the case, why am I on Escitolopram?  Isn’t that a depression medication?  (Note: Escitolopram is the generic version of Lexipro.  It deals with Major Depression.)

Now those are just a small amount of errors that I have found on my medical report.

Look friends, pay attention.  Look at your reports.  If they do not have a site that gives the details, then every 6 months or so, get a copy of your records. Study them, find if there is any discrepancies.

Also, make sure that you keep a detailed journal about your health.  Make a note of every time you get sick, have an accident, a headache, anything.  Keep a track on it.  It is also a good idea to have that journal with you when you go to your doctor.  Make sure to note the time and date that you go, and also their diagnosis.  Keep track of everything.  I know I keep repeating that, but it is IMPORTANT that you do so.  You could lose so much if you don’t.

Please friends, this is something that I cannot stress enough.  Especially if you are on disability, or another government funded insurance.  Those errors can truly cause problems in the long run.

 

Much love,

L.

.:The Power Of Make-Up ~ My Thoughts:.

Hey my darling lovelies!  I do hope that all of you are doing well.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of this “power of make-up” stuff going around.  Videos have been pouring out through the YouTube of it and I wanted to give my input in the best way I know how and lets not speak of my obsession with YouTubes.  No.  Just no.

Anywho,

The Power of Make-up is when people pretty much show you the before and after.  And their reasoning behind why they wear make up (or the why nots.)  I have seen some interesting transformations, but I have also seen most people saying some OFF things about wearing it.

For instance, one girl said that it is “taboo” to wear make up.

Say what now?  Taboo?  I guess that is why there are no openly make up companies in the world.  *cough cough*  I guess there is some underground make-up railroad somewhere.

So, I am going to explain “MY” experiences with make up.

A few years ago, I was in this group that worked with women that had just gotten out of jail.  (I will explain the WHYS of that in the next blog!)  The group most dealt with people that were on drugs or alcohol, hence why I am not a part of it anymore.  I can honestly say that I do not do either so… Yeah.  Didn’t meet the criteria.

What they did was quite lovely.  They helped teach women skills, boost confidence and assisted them with learning how to be dependent on themselves instead of drugs/alcohol.

One day, they talked about how make-up can motivate.

While I agreed that it could, I never wore it.  I didn’t know how to apply it or anything.  Not only that, I didn’t need to wear foundation, blush or any of that foolishness.  My skin is pretty awesome, not to brag or anything.

During this meeting, the woman running it looked directly at me and said, “You know you would be so much prettier WITH make up.”

Say what?  Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you correctly.

She goes on to explain that I will not be chosen for a job, or for really anything BECAUSE I would be looked over since I didn’t wear it.

“Um…. I’m disabled.  I can’t work, I can’t get a job.”

I could remember going home from that meeting and feeling exceptionally sorry for myself.  I scoured the webs for how-to’s, how-three’s.  I didn’t even OWN make-up.

I went out that night and picked up my first eyeshadow at the Dollar Tree.  Y’all, I’m broke so no Sephora for ol’ Lil here.  I also found a dark red lipstick.

I went into the next meeting with a purple “smokey eye” and that lipstick ON POINT.  I also went in with a mohawk and a grin the size of Mexico.  And right in front of them, I said, “Yeah, I look damn good in make-up but it doesn’t mean anything.  I am still me, perfect.”

Now why am I telling you this story?

Because make-up doesn’t mean shit when it comes to your happiness.  If people can only accept you for wearing it and being flawless then they don’t deserve you.  Period.  Don’t you ever think that you can’t walk out the door without it.  Don’t ever think that you aren’t beautiful.  YOU ARE.

That make-up means little.

What matters is that YOU are happy being YOU.  Not who you are in a bottle.  Wear it if it makes YOU happy, don’t wear it if it makes YOU happy.

The only thing that matters is that you are able to look at yourself NO MATTER WHAT and you can LOVE yourself unconditionally.

You deserve that.

Love you,

L

PS.  Now that I am thinking about this.  I wear make up every day now.  Not to impress anyone, but to shock them mostly.  Being that I am goth, it makes me smile to be exceptionally nice to people and seeing their response to WHO it is.  I want to get that response to  show that NOT ALL THAT ARE DIFFERENT ARE BAD.  We are all wonderful.

And yes, you can see videos of me on YouTube that is without the gear and “facepaint.”

.:Thoughts:.

Hello my lovelies.

I hope that the cold weather is not in your area and you are free to roam.  Goodness knows here winter has set in and I have seen more snow than I have in years.

This is truly the time of reflection.  Of sitting back and putting all ya ducks in a row.  It is the time where you sit and see where your life is headed and if it corresponds with WHERE you want your life to lead.

And sometimes friends, that goal just doesn’t happen.

But you know what…  That is okay.  Sometimes our journey through life is filled with unexpected twists and turns.  Some twists become painful memories that hurt us to the very core of our souls.  And some turns become light in the tunnel of living.

It is what we all do with it that makes it all worth while.

Do you just sit back and let life pass you by because you are moving backwards instead of forward?

Or do you turn you back to what has happened, what has created the perfect you and move forward into your very own heaven?

The choice is all within you.

Be you.  Be what YOU desire in life.  Don’t try to find it out there in that big ol’ world.  Find it within YOU.

You… Are…Perfect.

Love always,

L