.:A Little About Me:.

Hello friends!  How is your day?  I hope it is filled with beautiful things.

I am seeing that there is a lot of new people here, and I just wanted to give a little bit of information about who I am; well, and some about what I do here.

First off, I need to explain that I am a very eclectic person.  I do a lot of stuff here.  I review products and places, movies and books.  Just anything that really tickles my fancy. I also like to give my advice about certain situations.  If you read back on some of my posts, I am sure that will be obvious.

You will also find that many times when I am sleepy (or sick) I will ramble and just put my thoughts out there. There are things that I feel that I could share about what is going on with me that might help others.

See, the thing is I’m sick. I have been for a long time.  I ended up with epilepsy when I was a baby after having an allergic reaction to the Pertussis part of the DtP vaccine. I have had seizures all my life, so please do not worry about me, or feel sorry. I am used to it.  I also have very severe Fibromyalgia. I hurt so bad sometimes that I cannot get out of bed, and walking has become a serious issue.  Something else about me is that I have every symptom of Multiple Sclerosis, but they cannot find the lesions.  It is a mess honestly. Due to this foolishness, it has brought on a case of depression that I cannot seem to shake.  Even though I have tried.

I am fully disabled and it breaks my heart.  That fixed income, while it keeps a roof over my family’s head, is just not enough to do the things that my children should be able to.  I should be working and here I am, 6 in the morning not able to sleep (AGAIN) and rambling.  I do love this time of morning though.  The world around you turns this beautiful shade of blue.  Everywhere you look, the color seeks you out and gives peace.

I want all of you to understand one thing, if you take anything at all.

A sickness doesn’t define who you are. How we approach our sickness is. If you cower with fear, you do not succeed. The battle is lost.  But if you stand up, look at it in the face and stand strong, you can and will grow stronger in the face of adversity.  You begin to learn things about yourself, about those around you.  And that too makes you stronger.

So, my lovely friends.  Stand Strong.  Follow your dreams and just live in a happy place.

I love all of you.

L.

PS!  Review for a movie is coming out tomorrow!

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.:My Jail Experience:.

Hi everyone!  During my last blog, you noticed that I was talking about a group that helps people after jail time.  I promised that I would explain so here goes.

On September 21st of 2012, I was woke-up at 11:43am by a loud banging on my door.  (Yes,  I sleep late y’all.)  I open the door to reveal two sheriffs deputies who then ask if I am Lilly.  I said, “Um yes, how can I help you?”  Keep in mind that I have no clue WHY they are there.  Well, here is how the convo goes:

Sheriff #1:  Yes ma’am, are you Lilly *********?  (the stars are my last name y’all)

Me:  Um,  yes.  How can I help you?

Sheriff #2:  Ma’am, we have a warrant for your arrest.

Me:  Say what now?

Sheriff #2:  Yes ma’am.  We have an arrest warrant.

Waya:  Say what now?

Me:  I’m sorry, I’m confused.  An arrest warrant?  But… for what?

Sheriff #1:  It is for Attachment Pro-Corpus.

Me:  What da hell does that mean?

Sheriff #1:   ……..

Sheriff #2:  …………….

*At this point I am looking at the paper with confusion all over my facial region.*

Me:  May I have a few moments to talk with my daughter please?

Sheriff #1 and #2:  By all means ma’am.

This is when I took my daughter to the side and explained to her to call her father.  I also looked over at Waya and told him to call our mom.

I was allowed to go to the bathroom and to get my shoes on along with grabbing my bag and everything.

Sheriff #1:  Ma’am, we aren’t going to cuff you until you are at the car.  We would hate for your daughter to see this.

Me:  Thank you Officer.  I appreciate that.

They allowed me to use my telephone to call my mom myself.  I’m crying, devastated.  I had no idea what was going on.

I told her to take care of my baby girl, and to find out what the hell is going on.

When I got to the jail, they took a picture of me looking a mess.

Then they took me into a room and made me get naked and take a shower in a stall that the water leaked out of the faucet and down the wall.  I was still asking questions.  And no one would answer.  The woman made me spin around and squat while I coughed to make sure that nothing was in my um…  *cough*  yeah.

They took all of my stuff and put it in this box thing.  Handed me this stupid green and white stripped jumper thing, handed me this box with junk in it and said, “Come on.”

I walk out and they take me down this long hall with cuffs and leg chains, while I am trying to hold onto this huge box.

They take me into this room that had like 20 women in it.  And plop me down on the floor with a stupid mat thing.  There was no where to go but near the OPEN shower and under a table.

I was like a caged wild rabbit.  Scared to death.  I couldn’t understand what was going on.

The first day was a nightmare, the second was worse.  I called my mom, and she explained that it was over me missing a court date and Child Support.  I’m like “What court date?”  Neither of us knew what the hell was going on.

The people didn’t give me my epilepsy meds right.

I started shaking uncontrollably.

The girls in the block with me got worried.  They started fawning over me.  Like I was their child.  Giving me presents like snack food and stuff.  They noticed that I wasn’t eating.  I couldn’t eat.  My nerves were shot.

None of them could understand what was going on.  And finally a woman come over and sat on my mat with me.  I will call her Erica.

Erica asked me what was wrong and I told her.  I explained everything to her.  I realized that everyone had come over and was listening.

By the time I was done, explaining that I was apparently in there for failure to appear, and Child Support (which I will explain another time,)  I looked into their faces and saw what I can only call Rage.  They were all furious.

They realized that I was different.  Erica especially.  She kept me going.  Making me laugh, telling me stories.  It really helped.  All the other girls were so watchful of me.  They would all take turns watching over me while I slept.

It got a bit awkward honestly.

Then came shower day.

It was my turn and I am standing there, butt ass naked and I hear the door open.  A couple of C.Os come in (C.O means Corrections Officer if you didn’t know.)  I looked around the stall and realized it was the male COs.  I am mortified.

One of them, I will call… Um… Jarvis walks over and stands at the shower and talks with me.  I’m trying to find a way to keep him from “seeing me” and finally something just pops in my brain.  I just don’t care anymore.  I finish my shower, while talking with him and say, “Could you hand me my towel please?”  He does and I dry off.

I lost myself that day.

They broke me.

Now I am not really going to go into details about everything that happened during the rest of the time.  Except to explain about the last day and about how the C.Os treated me after I was taken into the actual cell block.

All of the COs treated me very well. I know it seems odd to say that but they were very nice the whole time.  All of them didn’t want me in there.  They would overlook things with me.  If I had something I wasn’t supposed to, they didn’t say a word.  Let me explain.  We were not allowed to have more than one book.  I had 3.  We weren’t allowed to have the boxes our soaps came in.  I was allowed to keep mine.  They would bring me little things, like extra pens and toilet paper.

I started eating.  After being force fed by the other inmates.  Yes friends, they forced food into my mouth.  The COs watched as they shoved food in my face, knowing that I needed it.  I had lost 40 pounds.

The COs even went so far as to get onto the nurse saying that she better start bringing my meds properly.  They put in complaints and everything in my name.

Now, the last day I was there.  I knew I had court, so I got to take a shower, and clean up.  They even went so far as giving me a brand new jumper.

And that is when they decided that our block was to have a search.  I was taken into my room by a female CO and stripped down, having to do my squat again.  I look up to see one of the new male COs trying to look into the room while I was undressing and another pushed him away and stood in front of the window, saying “Don’t you even think about looking at her.

He was PISSED y’all.  Seriously pissed that the other guy was trying to look at me.

They took me out after I was done, searched my room again disregarding that I had things that I shouldn’t have and another CO handed me a sandwich and said, “Eat it quick honey.  I’m taking you down.

The court went through, me with leg chains and handcuffs.

My mom was horrified.

I stood in front of the judge and he said, “You miss another court date and I will throw you in prison.”

My mom nearly flew off the wall.  I signed the papers and was taken away but not before I turn to see my poor twin in the courtroom, his eyes sunken in from not sleeping, having lost weight too.

They took me into the back, put me in a room for 3 minutes and then said, “HURRY AND GET DRESSED BABY GIRL!  WE ARE GETTING YOU OUT OF HERE!”  I was in and out in 5 minutes.

I made history that day as being the quickest release in all the time that jail has been in “business.”

But y’all, I will explain what happened after during another blog, along with what I found out about WHY I was there.

Much Love,

L

.:The Power Of Make-Up ~ My Thoughts:.

Hey my darling lovelies!  I do hope that all of you are doing well.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of this “power of make-up” stuff going around.  Videos have been pouring out through the YouTube of it and I wanted to give my input in the best way I know how and lets not speak of my obsession with YouTubes.  No.  Just no.

Anywho,

The Power of Make-up is when people pretty much show you the before and after.  And their reasoning behind why they wear make up (or the why nots.)  I have seen some interesting transformations, but I have also seen most people saying some OFF things about wearing it.

For instance, one girl said that it is “taboo” to wear make up.

Say what now?  Taboo?  I guess that is why there are no openly make up companies in the world.  *cough cough*  I guess there is some underground make-up railroad somewhere.

So, I am going to explain “MY” experiences with make up.

A few years ago, I was in this group that worked with women that had just gotten out of jail.  (I will explain the WHYS of that in the next blog!)  The group most dealt with people that were on drugs or alcohol, hence why I am not a part of it anymore.  I can honestly say that I do not do either so… Yeah.  Didn’t meet the criteria.

What they did was quite lovely.  They helped teach women skills, boost confidence and assisted them with learning how to be dependent on themselves instead of drugs/alcohol.

One day, they talked about how make-up can motivate.

While I agreed that it could, I never wore it.  I didn’t know how to apply it or anything.  Not only that, I didn’t need to wear foundation, blush or any of that foolishness.  My skin is pretty awesome, not to brag or anything.

During this meeting, the woman running it looked directly at me and said, “You know you would be so much prettier WITH make up.”

Say what?  Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you correctly.

She goes on to explain that I will not be chosen for a job, or for really anything BECAUSE I would be looked over since I didn’t wear it.

“Um…. I’m disabled.  I can’t work, I can’t get a job.”

I could remember going home from that meeting and feeling exceptionally sorry for myself.  I scoured the webs for how-to’s, how-three’s.  I didn’t even OWN make-up.

I went out that night and picked up my first eyeshadow at the Dollar Tree.  Y’all, I’m broke so no Sephora for ol’ Lil here.  I also found a dark red lipstick.

I went into the next meeting with a purple “smokey eye” and that lipstick ON POINT.  I also went in with a mohawk and a grin the size of Mexico.  And right in front of them, I said, “Yeah, I look damn good in make-up but it doesn’t mean anything.  I am still me, perfect.”

Now why am I telling you this story?

Because make-up doesn’t mean shit when it comes to your happiness.  If people can only accept you for wearing it and being flawless then they don’t deserve you.  Period.  Don’t you ever think that you can’t walk out the door without it.  Don’t ever think that you aren’t beautiful.  YOU ARE.

That make-up means little.

What matters is that YOU are happy being YOU.  Not who you are in a bottle.  Wear it if it makes YOU happy, don’t wear it if it makes YOU happy.

The only thing that matters is that you are able to look at yourself NO MATTER WHAT and you can LOVE yourself unconditionally.

You deserve that.

Love you,

L

PS.  Now that I am thinking about this.  I wear make up every day now.  Not to impress anyone, but to shock them mostly.  Being that I am goth, it makes me smile to be exceptionally nice to people and seeing their response to WHO it is.  I want to get that response to  show that NOT ALL THAT ARE DIFFERENT ARE BAD.  We are all wonderful.

And yes, you can see videos of me on YouTube that is without the gear and “facepaint.”

.:Thoughts:.

Hello my lovelies.

I hope that the cold weather is not in your area and you are free to roam.  Goodness knows here winter has set in and I have seen more snow than I have in years.

This is truly the time of reflection.  Of sitting back and putting all ya ducks in a row.  It is the time where you sit and see where your life is headed and if it corresponds with WHERE you want your life to lead.

And sometimes friends, that goal just doesn’t happen.

But you know what…  That is okay.  Sometimes our journey through life is filled with unexpected twists and turns.  Some twists become painful memories that hurt us to the very core of our souls.  And some turns become light in the tunnel of living.

It is what we all do with it that makes it all worth while.

Do you just sit back and let life pass you by because you are moving backwards instead of forward?

Or do you turn you back to what has happened, what has created the perfect you and move forward into your very own heaven?

The choice is all within you.

Be you.  Be what YOU desire in life.  Don’t try to find it out there in that big ol’ world.  Find it within YOU.

You… Are…Perfect.

Love always,

L

.:Just Random Thoughts:.

Hello my dears.  I do hope this Sunday is going great for you so far.

I am sitting here, trying to relax but I started thinking about how much I read when something hit me.  This is a question that I want all of you to answer.

Have you ever read a book, and with earth-shattering conviction, you just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that who you are reading about is real and not just born out of fiction?

This is something that I have not been able to get outta my mind.  Could it be that the very works that we hold within our hands are not just a story, but a biography of someones life.

That their story is so resounding, is rips through time and space to implant into another’s brain, causing them the need to write.

Could it be that someone has the ability to pour forth their emotions, to throw their feelings into the world, spreading them out into the cosmos giving us all the gift of their life?

Yes, my friends, these are my thoughts today.

What do you think?

Please comment below and share if you are so inclined.

I want to know what all of you think when it comes to this.

Love Always,

L

.:Yeah, this happened:.

Hello my dears.  I do hope that the new year is treating all of you well.  I am in one of those “I feel like I have been hit by a bus” moments.

Yes, friends, the plague has hit me and it isn’t letting go without a fight.  And by plague, I mean the flu.  I have been whining, bitching and doing all the other normal things that sick people do.  Yelling to the heavens that I have the plague, the Hanta virus, malaria, you name it.  In the matter of a week, I have given myself all of the horrible diseases that my flu rattled mine could think of.

BUT (and this is a big but!)

Something has happened and I am not sure how to respond to it.

Last month (December 2015 for those of you from the future) I was outside with Waya doing our normal routine of fixing up the gutters and the sumsuches of our home before winter.  I am getting ready to climb the horrid ladder that has been bestowed upon us from Satan and Waya yells down, “OMG LIL’!  WHISTLE!”  I’m thinking, “What the hell?” But I do.

As I turn towards where he is looking, I see a streak of something white and grey barreling at me at full speed.  I could see my life flashing before my eyes friends, I knew the end was near.  Here I was, all bundled up and ready to work, only to have my life snuffed out by some demon to which I couldn’t see.  I yelled to the heavens, “I’M COMIN’ ELIZABETH!” in Red Foxx style wanting at least my final words to be something epic.  That is when it happened.  I was football tackled by a giant monster.  I’m screaming as the wind is knocked outta me.  And that is when I felt it.

I felt a cold nose pushing against my cheek, a huge tongue coming forth to run across my face.  This, my friends was pure terror.  I can see its bright blue eyes staring into my soul. And I’m screamin’ bloody murder y’all,  until I realize, it… was…a…dog.  A HUGE f’ing dog y’all.  And not just any dog.  This dog was gorgeous.  I felt my heart begin to pound as I realize, It was a Siberian Husky.

A SIBERIAN HUSKY!

Now many of you that know me, know how much this moment means to me.  But for those of you that don’t, let me explain.

I love wolves and dogs that look like wolves.  The husky, no matter which type, is the closest to looking like a wolf.  And keep in mind, I do not like dogs.  I am a cat person.

BUT the husky is just a glorious creature that makes my heart melt with pure love.  And here one stands before me, giving me all the love that he possibly could.  And he is tall.  He stands about a foot taller than me when his paws are on my shoulders.  HUGE!!!!

I found a tag on him and called the number.  A nice young lady answered and when I told her that I had her dog she was blown away.  She couldn’t believe he had jumped yet another fence.  Not only that but he traveled a good 1/2 mile to get to where Waya and I live.

She pleasantly asked if we would be able to keep him until she got off of work and we agreed whole-heartedly.  This was my dream people.  So I was going to be able to pretend, if only for a little while, that he was mine.

As soon as she got out of work, she came by and we chatted for a few moments while she held onto him.  I could feel my heart shatter as I watched her getting ready to put him in the car.  I told her that if she ever needed a dog sitter that I am MORE than willing to do it.

AND that is when it happened.

She turned back and said, “Look, I will be moving in a few weeks.  Do you think that maybe you would want him?”

I felt my entire body lift up, angels singing, little cherubs dancing around as I floated onto the clouds where God himself stood.  I felt a voice come out of me, similar to that of Spongebob Squarepants as he says, “Really?”

And she said, “I will think about it, and if I decide, I will let you know okay?”

By this time I am drunk on love.

I missed him immensely for two days.  Every hair (and there is a LOT from a husky) I found reminded me of him and would send me back into that forward spiral of AWWWWWW-ness. And then we got a knock on the door.

I open to see those beautiful blue eyes looking at me.

But no owner.

He had escaped yet again and came right home.  Right to me.  I let him in and make the phone call to say, “Yeah, about him.  He is kind of here right now.”

Y’all would have laughed your asses off at the sound of pure shock in her voice.  This is pretty much how the convo was.

Me – So yeah, about him.  He’s kind of here right now.

Her – Say what now?

Me – Yeah, he’s here.

Her – Are you serious?

Me – Um yeah.

Her – You have got to be kidding me!

Me – Nope.

HIM – I wuv you.  I wuv you. (SERIOUSLY Y’ALL!  HE TALKS!)

Her – Lilly, he must really like it with you.  He jumped off a two story building for you.

Me – Say what now?

So yeah.  That happened.

Finally she told me that he is mine.  That she couldn’t risk him getting hurt.  So here I sit, a giant monster of a dog that thinks my cats are chew toys in my house.

So everyone, I would like to introduce:

Coyo (short for coyote)  The Giant Monster of Love.

IMG_20151230_135523

And yes y’all.  My ass in wearing a onesie and I am not ashamed to say it.

.:It is time for CHANGE:.

Hello my lovelies.  I know… I know… It has been way too long.  So I feel that I need to explain the problems that have been going on.

First:

I have been dealing with the after effects of having a person that was so toxic living within my home.  Even after months after this negative creature left my “castle” I am still feeling the effects of her endless torment.  But slowly I am climbing up and out of this pit to which she threw me in like she is some kind of warrior dumbass.

THIS IS NOT SPARTA YOU PSYCHO!

It has taken a lot of time for me to release the stress, the negativity, the filth that this woman caused.**

Second:

I apparently have the plague.  I feel like I have been hit by a bus and there is goo coming out of my nose like I am a water fountain.  This tyrant has invaded my nose hole cavity and has taken up residence like he owns the place.

AGAIN:  THIS IS NOT SPARTA!

I know it sounds like I have the flu and/or a cold, but dammit!  It is the plague. I just know it.

Third:

I have taken a lot of time putting myself, my thoughts and feelings into order.  I have a mishmash of foolishness going on within my brain pan and it just needs to take itself off somewhere cause I am done.

Do I need to say it again?

A lot of meditation, a lot of reorganizing, a lot of fighting has been going on inside of me and it has been hard to really put my thoughts in order.

I am truly sorry for not being here as much as I normally am.  But in the coming days, LOTS are going to be done.  This is my goal.

Do you see how I said GOAL instead of Resolution?

Let me explain why.

There is no resolutions.  There is no rules that we set forth on a particular day.  We all must set goals for ourselves every single day so we are able to live a life that we want and deserve.

Every single day gives us the opportunity to become better people.  And we must all set those goals.  Not wait till the end of the year/beginning of the next to make that goal.

If you want to lose weight.  DO IT ANYTIME.  Set those goals.

If you want to stop smoking.  DO IT ANYTIME.  Start working towards giving it up.

If you want to start a business.  DO IT ANYTIME.  Start setting up the basics, learn, grow.

It doesn’t have to be a goal that you set on a specific day.

And if you fail, try again.  Don’t think of it as “I just broke my resolution.”  Think of it as a learning experience.  Find what you did wrong the first time and try it again.

Hell friends, it might take you years to accomplish your goal but dammit.  JUST DO SOMETHING.

I want you to remember this.

Thomas Edison failed many times during his inventing of the lightbulb.  Thousands of different ways didn’t work.  But when asked about those different ways, he simply replied, “I found 1000 ways how NOT to make a light bulb.”

Set forth my friends and become, grow and learn.

And in the words of Blind Melon.

“When life is hard, you have to CHANGE.”

PSSST:  Look up Blind Melon – Change.  Seriously.  Good song.

**  I want to address this part a little deeper.

When you are in a situation that you feel that the negativity is out of control, you need to either remove it, OR yourself from it.  You do not deserve to be surrounded by negative emotions, negative actions, negative people.  YOU DESERVE BETTER.  Remember that you are worth more than anything.  Surround yourself with only the positive my friends.

~L