.:When Doctors Do Not Know What Is Wrong:.

Today friends, I would like to speak about something that has been in my mind for a while.  To those of you that have been here for a while, you know that I have a few medical issues. But for those that are new, I shall explain.

I have epilepsy, fibromyalgia, Multiple Sclerosis, and Asthma. I am fully disabled, and spend a lot of my time in severe pain. Unfortunately in my area, the doctors most of the time either do not care, or they don’t know what is going on. *thinks for a moment* Okay, I think I need to explain this better.

For the past 3 years, it has gotten harder and harder for me to walk any distance.  I get up and go to the restroom and I feel like I have run 5 miles. My breath is coming in gasps, my lungs are whistling like the Pied Piper and my heart feels like it is skipping beats. I have talked with 2 doctors about this, both of which have said, “Oh, there is nothing wrong.” I have had X-Rays on broken bones, and I get “Its nothing.”

I cannot figure out whether or not they are just incompetent, or unwilling to help me. It has went so far, that they swear I am perfectly healthy. Which in turn gets the social security office in an uproar. So now that is something I have to deal with. I would love to work, I would love to be able to “bring home the bacon” so to speak, but as my last employer said, “Lilly, we love that you work here, but with your issues, you are a liability.” And once an possible employer hears of the issues, poof, opportunity GONE.

The reason I am writing this is to explain something that I have learned over the years.

Doctors do not know what they are doing fully.  That is why they call it a Medical PRACTICE. On top of that, you have the doctors that feel that a person that has insurance isn’t worthy of care. Sad to say, that is 95% of the doctors in my area. Too many people put money as the main goal in anything they do, and it makes those that need help suffer. It creates this wedge within the system that destroys the Hippocratic Oath that each of them take.

Now, I guess I need to explain to those of you that do not know the Oath.  

“The Hippocratic Oath is an oath historically taken by physicians. It is one of the most widely known of Greek medical texts. In its original form, it requires a new physician to swear, by a number of healing gods, to uphold specific ethical standards. Of historic and traditional value, the oath is considered a rite of passage for practitioners of medicine in many countries, although nowadays various modernized versions are often used; the message delivered is still the same: do no harm.

Hippocrates is often called the father of medicine in Western culture. The original oath was written in Ionic Greek, in the late Fifth Century BC. It is usually included in the Hippocratic Corpus.

Scholars widely believe that Hippocrates or one of his students wrote the oath between the 5th and 3rd century BC. Alternatively, classical scholar Ludwig Edelstein proposed that the oath was written by the Pythagoreans, an idea that others questioned for lack of evidence for a school of Pythagorean medicine.”

This was taken from the Wiki page, that speaks about what the Oath is.  You will see one part that I have underlined.  Do No Harm.

Being a doctor is not about how many accolades you get, or about the car you drive.  It isn’t about that big house and the big screen TV.  It isn’t about the amount in your bank account or the vacations you take.  It is about helping people that need it. Having empathy, and a sense of dedication to your patients.  Not all of us have huge sums of money to shell out for a visit.  But we are still in need.

I don’t know what any of you can take from this, but it is something I truly needed to get off my chest. The only thing I know is that YOU are the only one that truly knows your body, and what it says.  Only you can determine that something is wrong.  Listen to what it says.  And if your doctor is unwilling to listen, then find one that will.

Much love,

L.

.:Depression – What is it, and isn’t:.

Depression.  It is such a small word for such a long road. I want to share with all of you what it is, and what it isn’t.  Many of us suffer with it in some form or another and then there are those select few that just don’t understand.  So, without further ado, I am going to shine a bit of a light on it, in the Lilly way.

Depression is the severe feeling of despondency and dejection. By medical terms. It is a common but serious mental disorder. So let me bullet point this (I LOVE ME SOME BULLET POINTS YO!):

  • Depression is a REAL THING. It isn’t something that is just boom you can get over it. IT IS A MENTAL STATE.
  • Depression can and will affect people in different ways.  While some people are hardly able to get out of bed, some will do menial things, like sink into a Television screen.  Okay, that sounds bad like I am talking about the scene in “Nightmare on Elm Street” where the TV picks up the girl and shoves her hea…..  Okay, stopping here.
  • Depression can be treated.  There are ways to get out of a funk.  Whether it is meditation, mediCation or therapy. You can find help.

All of us have periods of sadness.  Whether it is a break-up, a loss of a job or home, it comes on.  Sadness is a part of every day life and something that will never go away.  Depression on the other hand is deeper than that.  It is the loss of will.  Things that we used to be interested in just lose their oomph.  No motivation to get out there and take on the world.  It is the feeling of inadequacy.  Eating too much, or too little.  Now, you might say that these all sound like SAD symptoms, and you are right.  They are.  BUT it is when they extend past that point, last for a lot longer than usual.

Let’s say there is a girl named Bertha May Magillycutty. Bertha has been in a relationship with Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen.  Then Bertha and Smitty break up.  She is sad, ends up losing interest, starts eating buckets of ice cream while watching The Notebook.  After a few days she gets leveled out and begins picking up the pieces.

Now here is the way the Depressed Mind gets.

Bertha and Smitty break up.  She is heartbroken.  Cannot get out of bed, she lets herself go.  Doesn’t shower, brush her hair.  She doesn’t leave the house. She is in a downward spiral. Where the first Bertha began picking up the pieces, this Bertha looks at the pieces all strewn around the floor and gets frustrated by the amount of them are on the floor.  She sees them as a wave of pieces that she couldn’t possibly pick up.  So she sits in the middle of that pieces strewn floor and loses herself in them.

So there it is my friends.  How DEPRESSION is.  It is wave after wave of pieces that we just feel we won’t be able to put back together because there are just so many. So we sink lower and lower into the blackness.

It, Depression, interferes with the daily lives of those that it grabs, like a torturous villain. It causes pain, not only to the person being held “captive” but those around them too. It doesn’t at all mean that those suffering from depression is weak, by no means.  It just means that we are overwhelmed.

Like I said before, too many times depression is overlooked. It is “diagnosed” as just sadness, or another sickness. But I am going to give a short list of symptoms that we can look for in ourselves or those around us.

  • Loss of interest in things previously enjoyed.  (Hobbies, Sports, etc)
  • Difficulty in making decisions, or remembering planned things.
  • Restlessness or irritability.
  • Weight gain or loss.
  • Fatigue or lethargy.
  • Feelings of being worthless, useless, unneeded.
  • Difficulty sleeping.  Either too little, or too much.
  • Hopelessness

There are many different types of depression as well.  I will not go into detail of them, since this is already running long, but there is one that I want to bring up.  Bipolar Disorder.

Bipolar is NOT the same as depression.  While a person that suffers from Bipolar disorder, does have extremely low moods, they also have very HIGH moods.  They can been down and out, or excessively happy.

What I want all of you to know is that no matter how severe depression is, it IS treatable. Using meditation techniques helps soothe over whatever wounds are creating the issue.  Find a quiet spot, fill it with candles and smell good things and just sit and relax.  Just allow your mind to wander.  Lay down if you must, but you need to clear your mind and just allow it to roam.  If something comes in, push it out and keep your head clear.

You may also decide that medications are in order. There are many different types out there, you need to speak to your doctor to find which one suits you. Non-narcotic types are out there, just figure which works.

Therapy is a great way to get a handle on depression.  Speak about how your feeling with a medical therapist.  Just let it out.

Keep a journal.  Put in all of your feelings, the pain, heartache and then when you are done with that one, burn it.  And then as the smoke flows up into the sky, visualize that your hurt is going with it.

A mixture of all of these could help.  But the most important thing is for you to know that you are NOT alone in this.  You have family, friends (online and off) that are going to be there for you.  Goodness knows that I am.

Now depression is not something that can be dropped at turn of a hat.  Saying “Just get over it,” is not a good treatment option.  This ‘sadness’ goes a lot deeper.  It is the loss of hope and desire.  You cannot just dust those off and boom, shiny and new.  I wish it would, but it won’t. It isn’t something that can be just shooed away.  It is deep rooted and seeded, and the only thing that can help is HELP.

Study about depression.  Research about it friends.  And remember, no matter what, you can get passed this. You got it.

L.

.:Product Reviews vs. Huge Haul Videos:.

Hey friends!  I do hope that all of you are doing well.  In my previous blog, I wrote about hauls and whatnot and how to not take the “overkill” to heart.  Yes, I still feel that showing off all this stuff that you bought is just beckoning others to feel bad about their inability to do so.

BUT a very nice person (keeping ya name quiet dear for privacy sake!) brought up a great point in a comment about how they watch “haul” videos for the sake of seeing how good a product is.  And I definitely agree with that.

I do also need to explain that I do not begrudge all the wholollies and whatsamajiggers that people are able to buy.  Hell, I am happy that they are able to.  They work  hard for the stuff so I can’t get mad about that.  The thing that really bothered me the other day is how all this stuff that a certain YouTuber bought came to over 1200 USD!  I know that many of us out here aren’t able to just willy nilly spend a small fortune on clothes and shoes, but want so much to be able to.  So many of us aren’t able to due to lack of work, disabilities, or just not able to cover immense amounts of things.  Hell to me, being able to buy a t-shirt is like a gift from Santa.

I just wanted all of you to know that, no matter what you have, no matter who you are, stuff isn’t important. Material things isn’t what makes you who you are.  It is you.  Your personality, your heart, your very soul makes you a wonderful and beautiful person.  And I LOVE you for that.

Just know that while I will be doing reviews of products, it isn’t to show off. It is only to give you the information that you need if you want to know about a product.  But it won’t be high dollar stuff. Just sayin.

Be you and Be True my friends.

L.

(P.S.  Got a review coming up for all of you of a product soon!)

.:My thoughts on Haul Videos:.

Alright friends.  I know that many of you enjoy watching haul videos, but I know that someone you are just just me and feel that they are a bit on the “look at me and what I got!” spectrum.  First I want to explain what I mean and then I will set an example.

 

The “Look at me and what I got” spectrum is how I feel when I see other people doing haul videos.  (Note here: I do not mind watching videos like, what I got for xmas, or birthday. Let that be clear. I am happy that people share those videos showing the love in a family. Love doesn’t always involved gifts though!  Remember that!) It is what they are presenting when they show off what they “buy” for themselves. It is, to me, like a boot to the face to those that are unable to buy the things that are being “pushed” on the viewers. There are a lot of us out there that are unable to buy the high dollar things.  We are living paycheck to paycheck, trying to figure out how the hell we are going to pay our bills, or shopping at dollar stores and Walmart.  Many of the viewers that are on those “haul” videos are underage or are not financially able to buy the stuff that are being shown.  108 dollars for a TSHIRT? I don’t think so.

As for my example, I decided to see what the deal was with the haul videos.  And I watched one higher up YouTuber with a video called “Fashion Haul and Shoe Unboxing” and let me tell you people, HOLY CHEEZITS. I remember sitting there and going “OMG I love that shirt!”  or “Those boots are amazing!!” until I came back to my senses and decided to really pay attention to what was being shown.  I wrote down the names of each of the products, and then set about to investigate. I went to the website where the things were bought and I searched for EACH THING.  And to tell you the truth, I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had just stepped back and forgot about it.

All together, this Youtuber paid…. in excess of 1200 dollars.  So let me break this down for you.

  • 100 boots
  • 54.40 tshirt
  • 49.50 tshirt
  • 103.50 tshirt
  • 188 sweater
  • 42 tshirt on sale
  • 88 boots
  • 72 purse
  • 64 shoes on sale
  • 70 boots
  • 36 tshirt
  • 64 shoes on sale
  • 72 boots on sale
  • 80 boots on sale
  • other random objects that were unavailable

Total coming to 1260.60 just for the stuff I could find.

I felt myself have a small heart attack.  I couldn’t believe it.  So I done a bit more investigating.  I began looking at the comments.  Most of which were “I love that sweater, but I just don’t have the money for that.” or “Wow, those boots are fab, do you know where I could find them cheaper?”

I am not going to sit here and begrudge a person for spending a small fortune on OBJECTS. I really won’t.  But what I will begrudge is a person that flaunts it for the world to see, without thought that those that are unable to get things like that.  Not all of us are able to. And not being able to is NOT A BAD THING.  There are many of us that are able to be happy about what we have.  IT isn’t about settling either.  It is about knowing the difference between what is worth it, and what isn’t.

Just having an object doesn’t make the world go ’round.  Yes, even I sometimes wish that I had a fortune to spend on menial foolishness.  But I also know that what I do have, and I cherish every single bit.

Friends, don’t ever watch those videos if they make you feel like crap for not being able to afford what another has.  Envy is not a good thing.  Learn to appreciate and love what you do have.  One of these days, you will get up there, you will be able to set your mark, but just remember, don’t flaunt it.

L.

Random Thoughts by a sleepy head…

Yes my friends, I am sleepy and I have a migraine, so I guess now is a good of a time as any to write some random thoughts down.

You know, I have really sat and thought the last few hours about how so many of us are unique and different, but pushed so hard to stay within the “norm” of society that it is hard to pull ourselves out of this rut caused by what I can only call peer pressure.

Looking, acting and pretty much becoming someone else to suit anothers vision of us is not the way to live our lives friends.  It truly isn’t.  If a person is to truly care about you, they need to care about all of you.  Sorry for sort of quoting (calling it sort of since my brain is revolting and apparently trying to escape out my ears) Baby from Dirty Dancing, but it does fit a situation like this.

“If you love me, you have to love all the things about me.”

That is so very true.

See my dears, you are put on this planet, created in such a way that is perfection.  While there will be bumps in the road, scars given, hurts happening, in the end, we must all stand up and dust ourselves off.  Whether it is God or just evolution, we are perfectly imperfect.  No matter the reason, no matter the cause.  You are you, and there is nothing in the world that is better than that.  So here I go, trying to quote someone else now, but this time, I’m Seussing it up.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

So keep that in your thoughts my friends.  No matter what happens in your life, there is no one alive that is you.  You are perfect.  You are wonderful.

BE YOU AND GOSH DARN IT BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE!  Unless of course you are wanting to be some type of psycho crazy person that hurts, maims (among other things) people.  If that is the case, you might want to rethink your yous.

Love always,

L.

PS. Please accept my apologies for the rambling.  I am mostly typing out my hoohaa since the noggin’ is being a doofus.

Yes, it has been forever… I know.

I know that it has been a while since I have really updated this, or even really thought about it, but boy let me tell ya.  When the sky falls, it comes in an avalanche of foolishness and stupidity.

I don’t want to get into the whole “poor me” silliness, but bring to light something that I think a lot of us need to do.  In the process, I will explain the why’s.

Firstly, all of you need to make sure that you are paying attention to what your medical provider writes and says in their reports.  THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!  Many doctors offices/emergency service places will have a website that you can sign up to so you can look at the reports that have been written.  READ EVERY SINGLE REPORT.

As a few of you know, I am fully disabled.  I have been for about 4 years now.  I have epilepsy, MS, fibromyalgia, severe depression and chronic migraines.  I have been going to the same doctor since I was placed into “Disability” status.

A few months back (October to be specific) I received a call from the Department of Social Security.  They said that due to my “wellness” I am going to be removed from Disability.  That threw me into a loop. I had no idea why, no understanding of what they were saying. My depression and stress went to such a level that I just laid in bed and cried.  All I kept thinking about is the last job that I had.  The manager said, and I quote, “You are a great worker, but we cannot have you work here any longer.  You are a liability to the company, and to the customers.”  Keep in mind that this happened on Christmas Eve 5 years ago.

So you can understand a little about how I felt about wondering how I would be able to explain to my doctors that I have these issues and WHO would want to hire someone that has the issues I do.

After my initial plummet into the giant black hole of despair, I began to question WHY.  Why is this happening?  So I in turn began looking at my medical reports. EVERY SINGLE ONE FOR THE PAST YEAR WAS FALSIFIED.  When I told them what issues that I am having, they put in the report “Patient is not showing any signs of sickness, depression, epilepsy or migraines.”

Okay, let me explain this a little bit better.  Since waffling is happening.  And I will even do a number thingie to make it a little easier to understand.

  • When asked if I am afraid of falling (which they ask) the answer is always: “Yes. I am, but I know it is going to happen.  I am more afraid of what I am going to hurt.” To which they wrote, “Patient is not experiencing any problems with walking and can walk unassisted.” Um…  Wrong.  I use a cane, and have to have someone with me at all times.  I cannot even be left alone for long periods of time due to the fear of ‘falling.’ So how can I NOT be experiencing NO issues with walking?
  • “Blood tests have all come back normal.” I looked at the reports on my blood work.  Why are all these either too high or too low?  Yes Dr.  I do understand what blood results mean.  But no, all things are NORMAL.
  • “Patient does not have any depression,is happy and has a happy mindset.”  Um… If that was the case, why am I on Escitolopram?  Isn’t that a depression medication?  (Note: Escitolopram is the generic version of Lexipro.  It deals with Major Depression.)

Now those are just a small amount of errors that I have found on my medical report.

Look friends, pay attention.  Look at your reports.  If they do not have a site that gives the details, then every 6 months or so, get a copy of your records. Study them, find if there is any discrepancies.

Also, make sure that you keep a detailed journal about your health.  Make a note of every time you get sick, have an accident, a headache, anything.  Keep a track on it.  It is also a good idea to have that journal with you when you go to your doctor.  Make sure to note the time and date that you go, and also their diagnosis.  Keep track of everything.  I know I keep repeating that, but it is IMPORTANT that you do so.  You could lose so much if you don’t.

Please friends, this is something that I cannot stress enough.  Especially if you are on disability, or another government funded insurance.  Those errors can truly cause problems in the long run.

 

Much love,

L.

.:The Power Of Make-Up ~ My Thoughts:.

Hey my darling lovelies!  I do hope that all of you are doing well.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of this “power of make-up” stuff going around.  Videos have been pouring out through the YouTube of it and I wanted to give my input in the best way I know how and lets not speak of my obsession with YouTubes.  No.  Just no.

Anywho,

The Power of Make-up is when people pretty much show you the before and after.  And their reasoning behind why they wear make up (or the why nots.)  I have seen some interesting transformations, but I have also seen most people saying some OFF things about wearing it.

For instance, one girl said that it is “taboo” to wear make up.

Say what now?  Taboo?  I guess that is why there are no openly make up companies in the world.  *cough cough*  I guess there is some underground make-up railroad somewhere.

So, I am going to explain “MY” experiences with make up.

A few years ago, I was in this group that worked with women that had just gotten out of jail.  (I will explain the WHYS of that in the next blog!)  The group most dealt with people that were on drugs or alcohol, hence why I am not a part of it anymore.  I can honestly say that I do not do either so… Yeah.  Didn’t meet the criteria.

What they did was quite lovely.  They helped teach women skills, boost confidence and assisted them with learning how to be dependent on themselves instead of drugs/alcohol.

One day, they talked about how make-up can motivate.

While I agreed that it could, I never wore it.  I didn’t know how to apply it or anything.  Not only that, I didn’t need to wear foundation, blush or any of that foolishness.  My skin is pretty awesome, not to brag or anything.

During this meeting, the woman running it looked directly at me and said, “You know you would be so much prettier WITH make up.”

Say what?  Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you correctly.

She goes on to explain that I will not be chosen for a job, or for really anything BECAUSE I would be looked over since I didn’t wear it.

“Um…. I’m disabled.  I can’t work, I can’t get a job.”

I could remember going home from that meeting and feeling exceptionally sorry for myself.  I scoured the webs for how-to’s, how-three’s.  I didn’t even OWN make-up.

I went out that night and picked up my first eyeshadow at the Dollar Tree.  Y’all, I’m broke so no Sephora for ol’ Lil here.  I also found a dark red lipstick.

I went into the next meeting with a purple “smokey eye” and that lipstick ON POINT.  I also went in with a mohawk and a grin the size of Mexico.  And right in front of them, I said, “Yeah, I look damn good in make-up but it doesn’t mean anything.  I am still me, perfect.”

Now why am I telling you this story?

Because make-up doesn’t mean shit when it comes to your happiness.  If people can only accept you for wearing it and being flawless then they don’t deserve you.  Period.  Don’t you ever think that you can’t walk out the door without it.  Don’t ever think that you aren’t beautiful.  YOU ARE.

That make-up means little.

What matters is that YOU are happy being YOU.  Not who you are in a bottle.  Wear it if it makes YOU happy, don’t wear it if it makes YOU happy.

The only thing that matters is that you are able to look at yourself NO MATTER WHAT and you can LOVE yourself unconditionally.

You deserve that.

Love you,

L

PS.  Now that I am thinking about this.  I wear make up every day now.  Not to impress anyone, but to shock them mostly.  Being that I am goth, it makes me smile to be exceptionally nice to people and seeing their response to WHO it is.  I want to get that response to  show that NOT ALL THAT ARE DIFFERENT ARE BAD.  We are all wonderful.

And yes, you can see videos of me on YouTube that is without the gear and “facepaint.”