.:My Jail Experience:.

Hi everyone!  During my last blog, you noticed that I was talking about a group that helps people after jail time.  I promised that I would explain so here goes.

On September 21st of 2012, I was woke-up at 11:43am by a loud banging on my door.  (Yes,  I sleep late y’all.)  I open the door to reveal two sheriffs deputies who then ask if I am Lilly.  I said, “Um yes, how can I help you?”  Keep in mind that I have no clue WHY they are there.  Well, here is how the convo goes:

Sheriff #1:  Yes ma’am, are you Lilly *********?  (the stars are my last name y’all)

Me:  Um,  yes.  How can I help you?

Sheriff #2:  Ma’am, we have a warrant for your arrest.

Me:  Say what now?

Sheriff #2:  Yes ma’am.  We have an arrest warrant.

Waya:  Say what now?

Me:  I’m sorry, I’m confused.  An arrest warrant?  But… for what?

Sheriff #1:  It is for Attachment Pro-Corpus.

Me:  What da hell does that mean?

Sheriff #1:   ……..

Sheriff #2:  …………….

*At this point I am looking at the paper with confusion all over my facial region.*

Me:  May I have a few moments to talk with my daughter please?

Sheriff #1 and #2:  By all means ma’am.

This is when I took my daughter to the side and explained to her to call her father.  I also looked over at Waya and told him to call our mom.

I was allowed to go to the bathroom and to get my shoes on along with grabbing my bag and everything.

Sheriff #1:  Ma’am, we aren’t going to cuff you until you are at the car.  We would hate for your daughter to see this.

Me:  Thank you Officer.  I appreciate that.

They allowed me to use my telephone to call my mom myself.  I’m crying, devastated.  I had no idea what was going on.

I told her to take care of my baby girl, and to find out what the hell is going on.

When I got to the jail, they took a picture of me looking a mess.

Then they took me into a room and made me get naked and take a shower in a stall that the water leaked out of the faucet and down the wall.  I was still asking questions.  And no one would answer.  The woman made me spin around and squat while I coughed to make sure that nothing was in my um…  *cough*  yeah.

They took all of my stuff and put it in this box thing.  Handed me this stupid green and white stripped jumper thing, handed me this box with junk in it and said, “Come on.”

I walk out and they take me down this long hall with cuffs and leg chains, while I am trying to hold onto this huge box.

They take me into this room that had like 20 women in it.  And plop me down on the floor with a stupid mat thing.  There was no where to go but near the OPEN shower and under a table.

I was like a caged wild rabbit.  Scared to death.  I couldn’t understand what was going on.

The first day was a nightmare, the second was worse.  I called my mom, and she explained that it was over me missing a court date and Child Support.  I’m like “What court date?”  Neither of us knew what the hell was going on.

The people didn’t give me my epilepsy meds right.

I started shaking uncontrollably.

The girls in the block with me got worried.  They started fawning over me.  Like I was their child.  Giving me presents like snack food and stuff.  They noticed that I wasn’t eating.  I couldn’t eat.  My nerves were shot.

None of them could understand what was going on.  And finally a woman come over and sat on my mat with me.  I will call her Erica.

Erica asked me what was wrong and I told her.  I explained everything to her.  I realized that everyone had come over and was listening.

By the time I was done, explaining that I was apparently in there for failure to appear, and Child Support (which I will explain another time,)  I looked into their faces and saw what I can only call Rage.  They were all furious.

They realized that I was different.  Erica especially.  She kept me going.  Making me laugh, telling me stories.  It really helped.  All the other girls were so watchful of me.  They would all take turns watching over me while I slept.

It got a bit awkward honestly.

Then came shower day.

It was my turn and I am standing there, butt ass naked and I hear the door open.  A couple of C.Os come in (C.O means Corrections Officer if you didn’t know.)  I looked around the stall and realized it was the male COs.  I am mortified.

One of them, I will call… Um… Jarvis walks over and stands at the shower and talks with me.  I’m trying to find a way to keep him from “seeing me” and finally something just pops in my brain.  I just don’t care anymore.  I finish my shower, while talking with him and say, “Could you hand me my towel please?”  He does and I dry off.

I lost myself that day.

They broke me.

Now I am not really going to go into details about everything that happened during the rest of the time.  Except to explain about the last day and about how the C.Os treated me after I was taken into the actual cell block.

All of the COs treated me very well. I know it seems odd to say that but they were very nice the whole time.  All of them didn’t want me in there.  They would overlook things with me.  If I had something I wasn’t supposed to, they didn’t say a word.  Let me explain.  We were not allowed to have more than one book.  I had 3.  We weren’t allowed to have the boxes our soaps came in.  I was allowed to keep mine.  They would bring me little things, like extra pens and toilet paper.

I started eating.  After being force fed by the other inmates.  Yes friends, they forced food into my mouth.  The COs watched as they shoved food in my face, knowing that I needed it.  I had lost 40 pounds.

The COs even went so far as to get onto the nurse saying that she better start bringing my meds properly.  They put in complaints and everything in my name.

Now, the last day I was there.  I knew I had court, so I got to take a shower, and clean up.  They even went so far as giving me a brand new jumper.

And that is when they decided that our block was to have a search.  I was taken into my room by a female CO and stripped down, having to do my squat again.  I look up to see one of the new male COs trying to look into the room while I was undressing and another pushed him away and stood in front of the window, saying “Don’t you even think about looking at her.

He was PISSED y’all.  Seriously pissed that the other guy was trying to look at me.

They took me out after I was done, searched my room again disregarding that I had things that I shouldn’t have and another CO handed me a sandwich and said, “Eat it quick honey.  I’m taking you down.

The court went through, me with leg chains and handcuffs.

My mom was horrified.

I stood in front of the judge and he said, “You miss another court date and I will throw you in prison.”

My mom nearly flew off the wall.  I signed the papers and was taken away but not before I turn to see my poor twin in the courtroom, his eyes sunken in from not sleeping, having lost weight too.

They took me into the back, put me in a room for 3 minutes and then said, “HURRY AND GET DRESSED BABY GIRL!  WE ARE GETTING YOU OUT OF HERE!”  I was in and out in 5 minutes.

I made history that day as being the quickest release in all the time that jail has been in “business.”

But y’all, I will explain what happened after during another blog, along with what I found out about WHY I was there.

Much Love,



.:The Power Of Make-Up ~ My Thoughts:.

Hey my darling lovelies!  I do hope that all of you are doing well.

Lately, I have been seeing a lot of this “power of make-up” stuff going around.  Videos have been pouring out through the YouTube of it and I wanted to give my input in the best way I know how and lets not speak of my obsession with YouTubes.  No.  Just no.


The Power of Make-up is when people pretty much show you the before and after.  And their reasoning behind why they wear make up (or the why nots.)  I have seen some interesting transformations, but I have also seen most people saying some OFF things about wearing it.

For instance, one girl said that it is “taboo” to wear make up.

Say what now?  Taboo?  I guess that is why there are no openly make up companies in the world.  *cough cough*  I guess there is some underground make-up railroad somewhere.

So, I am going to explain “MY” experiences with make up.

A few years ago, I was in this group that worked with women that had just gotten out of jail.  (I will explain the WHYS of that in the next blog!)  The group most dealt with people that were on drugs or alcohol, hence why I am not a part of it anymore.  I can honestly say that I do not do either so… Yeah.  Didn’t meet the criteria.

What they did was quite lovely.  They helped teach women skills, boost confidence and assisted them with learning how to be dependent on themselves instead of drugs/alcohol.

One day, they talked about how make-up can motivate.

While I agreed that it could, I never wore it.  I didn’t know how to apply it or anything.  Not only that, I didn’t need to wear foundation, blush or any of that foolishness.  My skin is pretty awesome, not to brag or anything.

During this meeting, the woman running it looked directly at me and said, “You know you would be so much prettier WITH make up.”

Say what?  Excuse me? I don’t think I heard you correctly.

She goes on to explain that I will not be chosen for a job, or for really anything BECAUSE I would be looked over since I didn’t wear it.

“Um…. I’m disabled.  I can’t work, I can’t get a job.”

I could remember going home from that meeting and feeling exceptionally sorry for myself.  I scoured the webs for how-to’s, how-three’s.  I didn’t even OWN make-up.

I went out that night and picked up my first eyeshadow at the Dollar Tree.  Y’all, I’m broke so no Sephora for ol’ Lil here.  I also found a dark red lipstick.

I went into the next meeting with a purple “smokey eye” and that lipstick ON POINT.  I also went in with a mohawk and a grin the size of Mexico.  And right in front of them, I said, “Yeah, I look damn good in make-up but it doesn’t mean anything.  I am still me, perfect.”

Now why am I telling you this story?

Because make-up doesn’t mean shit when it comes to your happiness.  If people can only accept you for wearing it and being flawless then they don’t deserve you.  Period.  Don’t you ever think that you can’t walk out the door without it.  Don’t ever think that you aren’t beautiful.  YOU ARE.

That make-up means little.

What matters is that YOU are happy being YOU.  Not who you are in a bottle.  Wear it if it makes YOU happy, don’t wear it if it makes YOU happy.

The only thing that matters is that you are able to look at yourself NO MATTER WHAT and you can LOVE yourself unconditionally.

You deserve that.

Love you,


PS.  Now that I am thinking about this.  I wear make up every day now.  Not to impress anyone, but to shock them mostly.  Being that I am goth, it makes me smile to be exceptionally nice to people and seeing their response to WHO it is.  I want to get that response to  show that NOT ALL THAT ARE DIFFERENT ARE BAD.  We are all wonderful.

And yes, you can see videos of me on YouTube that is without the gear and “facepaint.”


Hello my lovelies.

I hope that the cold weather is not in your area and you are free to roam.  Goodness knows here winter has set in and I have seen more snow than I have in years.

This is truly the time of reflection.  Of sitting back and putting all ya ducks in a row.  It is the time where you sit and see where your life is headed and if it corresponds with WHERE you want your life to lead.

And sometimes friends, that goal just doesn’t happen.

But you know what…  That is okay.  Sometimes our journey through life is filled with unexpected twists and turns.  Some twists become painful memories that hurt us to the very core of our souls.  And some turns become light in the tunnel of living.

It is what we all do with it that makes it all worth while.

Do you just sit back and let life pass you by because you are moving backwards instead of forward?

Or do you turn you back to what has happened, what has created the perfect you and move forward into your very own heaven?

The choice is all within you.

Be you.  Be what YOU desire in life.  Don’t try to find it out there in that big ol’ world.  Find it within YOU.

You… Are…Perfect.

Love always,


.:Review ~ Kleancolor Madly Matte Lipsticks:.

My darling friends, I do  hope your day is going good.  I was awoken this morning to the sound of my alarm clock going off.  I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t ecstatic, I was simply exhausted.  Then I realized.  Who turned it off?  It went off for a matter of seconds, but then poof gone.  Just enough to pull me out of dreamland and into the world of…. tired.

But that is okay.  I shall survive this monstrosity, this conspiracy against me sleeping.

So as a bit of a celebration of being “up” I give you a review!

Kleancolor Madly Matte Lipstick!

A while back, I posted that a review of GoodGoth.com.  I am not going into the details of said review, but what I am going to say is THANK YOU!!!! to the lovely people that run that place.  They have inadvertently created a monster.  In the package, I received 3 lipsticks.  And ERMERGERD!  I am thrilled.

The lipsticks come in a black tube, with a circle of clear plastic around the middle, showing the shade that you have purchased.  Written upon the side is the words, “Kleancolor” in bold lettering that is vertical, and “Madly Matte Lipstick” written horizontally to the brand name.  The lettering is white and written in a delicate font.

When you first open the tube, the pigments are very noticeable.  They are deeply colored, rich and vibrant.  They give the thought of cream paint which I guess is what they are considering right?  *laughs*

The second thing that you notice is the smell.  I could feel it floating through the air like the aroma of the Gods.  It smells GOOD.  I don’t mean just good but GOOD.  The scent is highly reminiscent of Fruity Pebbles.  Seriously folks.  FRUITY FREAKIN’ PEBBLES!  It takes everything in me not to eat said lipstick.  (As a bit of a note:  My favorite cereal is now and always Fruity Pebbles. Just sayin!)

But getting back into the topic now that my Fruity Pebble daydreams are over.

The first color I am going to show you is shade #1 Artic.


Wow, I didn’t realize that the picture was the size of the moon.  Sorry about that.  It is a white shade that goes on smoothly and easily.  The one problem that I have with it is coverage.  If you are going for a simple look, not wanting the full effect of white lips, or just would like to tone down another color, this would work beautifully.  I have worn this a few times over the past few months, but added a bit of black liner on the outer sides of my lips to give it a bit of contrast.  Worked perfectly.

The next shade is #3 Catalina.


This shade also goes on very well.  The color is a mix between Ice and Midnight blues.  It gives that feeling of freezing, especially if you put it on subtlety. I find it goes very well with a dark eye look that makes your eyes look sunken.  Yeah, I like that look.  I admit it.

Lastly is my personal favorite.  If you have been around long enough, you will understand.

#6 Raven


As you can see, it is a deep lovely shade of black.  You can also see that I do not have all those fancy smancy camera things.  I have a phone cam.  And it isn’t a good one either.  *sad panda face inserted here*

As for coverage, my great googly moogly.  Simply amazing.  It flows on and the pigment is beautiful.  This is a staple in my make up routine and I simply love it.

My Opinion:

Kleancolor has really outdone themselves with this one folks. I simply love the coverage and the creamy feel of these products.  The packaging is simple yet refined giving it an air of classiness.  The scent alone on these makes my mouth water and makes me do happy dances when I put them on.

The one downside is the wear time.  They fade quickly, after about an hour or so, and a kiss test is definitely a fail.  While they are matte, they do not feel it.  They thankfully are not glossy, but I am not sure if I could classify them as being matte.

Now, to explain the BEST part about these products.

They are cheap y’all.  Seriously cheap.

If you go to ShopMissA.com  you will find a lot of their products there.  The site is $1 for everything.  So WOO HOO.

I am truly amazed at these lipsticks and will buy them again. I am amazed at the quality of these considering how low their prices actually are.  So Kleancolor, you get a big thumbs up in my book!

.:Recipe DIY – Mulled Cider:.

The world is freezing friends and I hate it. I am not a cold person. I am not a snow person. I would much rather sit inside a warm house, on a heater, with enough blankets to smother a small army. Yes, my dears, I am that person.
I hate… no… LOATHE the cold in any way, shape or form. So in celebration of said cold (LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!) I give you:

Mulled Cider

Serves: 8
Prep Time: 5 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes

Make this an adult only beverage by using dry cider and adding a small bottle of dark rum

What ya need ta use:
2 liters of sweet apple cider
½ liter fresh orange juice
½ tsp nutmeg
½ tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp ginger
Cinnamon sticks
apple slices
orange slices

What ya need ta do:
In a large pan combine the apple cider, orange juice nutmeg, cinnamon and ginger. Simmer slowly on low heat for about 15 minutes. Take care that the cider does not boil. Add the cinnamon sticks and orange slices to float in the pot and serve warm.
You can refrigerate any leftover mulled cider, it’s nice cold as well.

Simple right? And it is so delicious.

.:Scents and What they CAN Do:.

Hello my dears! I do hope that all of you are well. I wanted to just post a little bit about something I have been thinking about lately.

I am a big scent person. I love smelling everything. It is a tick that I guess is a bit strange.

I buy something, no matter what it is, I smell it first. So you can understand that when it comes to scents in general, I use them a lot.I have an entire drawer dedicated only to incense, oils and other yummy sniffy things that I love. Yes, it has become an obsession and I seriously don’t mind it.

But I want to ask you friends, how does scent effect your lives?
Are there scents that bring you joy? Are there scents that make you panic? What scent triggers a long forgotten memory that makes you smile?

I can tell you about one scent in particular that makes me so happy when I catch it on the wind. Fresh baked doughnuts. Yes, I love that smell. It reminds me of a time in my childhood.
When I was little, my family and I lived at the beach. Right across from the boardwalk. And every morning, our little apartment was filled with the smell of fresh doughnuts being cooked. There was a doughnut shop down the walk that made them fresh every single day. The aroma would float through the breeze and into my lungs, filling me with such delicious feelings. I adored it.

All of us are so twined up in our lives that we really do not spend time to “smell the roses,” to relax and release tension. We all need to spend time taking within the soothing properties of what Mother Earth as given us in the shape of those blooms. Perhaps, just perhaps we would rest for a moment, and stop being in such a hurry.

All of us need to see that smells have the ability to heal our bodies, our minds, our very spirits. It can give us that oomph that makes it all better. It can heal your skin in ways that nothing else can.

We all need to take a few minutes out of our days to just sit and relax; give our minds and bodies time to release all the tension, to remove the stress and replace it with serenity. All you need is the scent that makes it all better.

I am going to give a few definitions here, that way when I say it in this post, you will be better able to understand what I am meaning. I will also provide a list of different scents that will help to releave any tension and stress. **These are things that help me during my techniques. You can easily find things that work for you. Just let your noseholes do the talking*

You will see that I have used this term a lot during my rambling. So let me explain what it means. Aromatherapy is the act of using oils/scents to help to heal the mind, body and spirit. It promotes good feelings and brings your energy level to an even keel.
Taking different scents and adding them together can be cause a strong effect. Take Lavender and Rose for instance. Mixing those two together can give you a more calming, almost sleepy state.
Essential Oils:
An essential oil is what is extracted from different flowers, grasses, roots, fruits when processed properly. It is the essence of the “herb” and the natural oils that they contain. It is extracted in many different ways, so you must always make sure to look for oils that are organic and not filled with other properties. Also, do not go for oils that say “fragrance” or “perfume” oil. Those are not safe to put on your body. In other words, it CAN make you sick.
Base Oil:
Many times and essential oil is so concentrated that it can burn your skin. You take a base oil (see list below) and mix it with your choice of scents and it becomes and amazing massage oil treatment. The base oil itself has no odor and will not taint the smell of the essence you are using. BUT keep in mind, there are “base” oils out there that can overthrow the scent and ruin what you have created.
Here is a short list of base oils that you can use when mixing. I will also share the good things about them as well:
Apricot Kernel Oil: This oil is good for all skin types, especially skin that is sensitive and extremely dry. It can also help to soothe skin that is inflamed.
Carrot Oil: If you have eczema or psoriasis, this oil is a God-send. It can releave the itching that occurs and can help heal the skin from deep within. You can also use this oil on scars and stretch marks to keep them from getting worse.
Corn Oil: Corn oil is a soothing and smooth oil to use on all skin types. The only problem (to me) is that it smells funny.
Evening Primrose: If you have MS, menopause, heart disease, this oil can ease the pain that you may have. It is good to rub it into your joints and places that have flared to ease the tension and release the muscles. It is also another oil that is really good for treating skin ailments that cause you to itch and flake (i.e psoriasis/eczema.)
Grapeseed Oil: This oil is good for all skin types. The clearness of it is simply wonderful and can carry essential oil scents very well. It is the best for massage oils in my opinion.
Jojoba Oil: This oil is like a one two punch to all kinds of skin issues. Inflamed skin, acne, psoriasis, eczema and even hair care. It penetrates deep into the skin to encourage healing from within. AND the best part, it is good for all skin types. *SMILE!*
Olive Oil: Olive oil is another oil that soothes the skin and assists in healing. It is perfect for those that have arthritus. The oil seeps into the skin and into the joints to well…. Just think that it is the WD/40 of joint health. Just sayin.
Peanut Oil: Honestly, I couldn’t give you any information about Peanut Oil. I am allergic and tend to steer far away from it. BUT, do know this. It is good for all skin types, and helps soothe tired worn skin.
Safflower Oil: This oil is perfect for a massage oil. It flows into the skin to help relieve tension. Great carrier of essential oils too.
Sesame Oil: Another one two hitter. Good for all skin types and skin ailments.
Sunflower Oil: Good carrier oil and a great base. The one problem with it is that it is a bit sticky feeling to me when I use it.
Sweet Almond Oil: This oil helps to relieve itching and soreness from severe dryness or irritation of the skin. It is like a balm that moves in and fights off the problem. It also smells pretty on its own. But that is just my opinion.

Many of these oils are available in different grocery stores across the nation. But I have added all different ones that have some of the same uses because if you are anything like me and live in B.F.Eqypt, you will not be able to get your hands on some of these oils except on rare occasions. I wanted to make sure that you had plenty to choose from, so that you wouldn’t feel that you needed to go long distances to find “what you need” to create.
Now, I know that I talked a little bit before about what essential oils are, but I want to now add that when you are shopping for different essential oils, you need to make sure that they would be suitable with your skin. Perfume oils are not meant to be put on flesh. Rashes people. RASHES! And can cause adverse reactions on the biggest organ on your body. Thats your skin if you didn’t get it.
You need to find a store or shop that deals with natural oils, health oils things like that. Many towns have health food stores that might carry different types of essential oils. I do know that there are many online stores that deal strictly with essential oils. And makes ure they are not stores that are only in business to make a buck. Pay attention to the details, look up reviews. Do a little detective work. Get to know who you are doing business with. (This is good advice for any situation y’all seriously.)
Always and I mean ALWAYS make sure that you are not getting screwed over too. Do not fall for cheap imitations. Unfortunately, real oils are not cheap. They can run a pretty good penny. But take a look around different places and see how the prices roll. Say if you find a site that has lavender oil for 2 bucks, and another that has the same size for 10, I would go for the 10. BUT if you find another dealer that has the same oil, same size for 50, that M’fer is price gouging. Just sayin.
If you feel that you need more information, by all means speak up. Ask questions to the people you are interested in buying from. If they can’t answer your questions, or ignore you completely, then find another dealer. Find someone that is knowledgeable to buy from. AND ASK YOUR QUESTIONS! Even if you feel that it is a dumb one. The only stupid question is the one not asked. So open your mouth darlings if you don’t know something.
I just realized that I have been rambling for ages. *laughs* I shall let you go to find those scents that make a difference to you. I will post again soon talking about using different scents to help ease your life.

Much love,


PS.  And before I forget.  Like with any product, you need to make sure that you are NOT allergic to the essential oils that you choose to use, or the base oils for that matter.  The best thing to do is take a pen/marker and create a circle on the inside of your elbow. You take the oil in question and put a small dab into the middle of that circle.  Write down the date of when you did over the circle so you can keep it timed.  If your skin becomes red, swollen, blotchy or rashy, DO NOT USE THAT PRODUCT. That means you are allergic.  The pen method also helps if you are testing many different types of oil. All you have to do is mark the circle and write the name and time over each one.  🙂