Yes, I know that I have posted already today, but I really think this is something that needs to be brought up.
I just recently received an email from a young man about a relationship he was in and I really wanted to share it with all of you.
“I am not a subscriber, nor have I really read many of your posts. But during a search, I come across your blog about relationships. And I really need some advice. I am only 16 and have no idea what to do. My family is supportive of me, but I just can’t tell them what is really going on. So I thought that I would reach out to you, because I don’t know how else to really put it to my mom. See, I was dating this girl. She was so sweet and pretty and I felt really happy that she would choose me to be her boyfriend. Everything was going good, it was great ya know? And then that is when things got weird. She started telling me that you grandma was abusing her. See her grandma has custody of her. She told me that it was because her mom was in prison and that her dad didn’t want her. I felt bad for her ya know? And I started getting really angry that her grandmother was doing things to her. This one day, I went over to hang with her and stuff. But her grandmother came out, screaming at her and then me, so my mom told me that they needed to work things out so we left. Before we even got to the stop sign, the girl was running at the car so we stopped. She said that her grandma had pulled her hair and punched her in the face. She didn’t have a mark on her or anything but, I still got really upset because I mean geez, she hit my girl. Well she said that she was going to go to the store and that she will call me later. She never did. Then a few weeks later, after it was a daily thing for her to say, “She hit me again,” she ran off. The cops came and everything thinking I had something to do with it. And I hadn’t see her or anything. I finally get a call from a friend of mine who is her friend as well. She said that my girlfriend had just pulled in with some dude and came in. Of course I’m worried to death ya know? So me and my mom get in the car and run over and take her right back home. I told her grandma where we found her and then the grandma said something else that I don’t really remember and when my girlfriend said something else, her grandma said, “Hold on a minute, don’t you be lying to these people.” Apparently she had written some note about running off. It was just a huge mess. I went home and have a message on my phone from our friend. She said something along the lines of the girl saying that she had intercourse with some dude so he would bring her. Well my friend put us on a three way call and confronted her about it and I hung up. Because she was talking horrible. I broke up with her a few minutes later. Well it has been about 2 weeks and now I have people calling me all the time, calling my moms phone when I turn mine off all the time telling me that they are going to kill me over me abusing my now ex girlfriend. She is spreading all kinds of horrible things that I was supposed to have done to her. I never hit her, nor touched her like that. I don’t believe in it. I just don’t know what to do. Can you help?”
My goodness sweetheart, where do I start?
First off honey, you need to tell your family. It is very important that they know what is going on fully. The very fact that you are getting death threats is atrocious and they can be carried out. You never know honey. Your family will need to determine if they should bring everything to the cops or not. And being that you 16, I don’t want to hear any of this crap about Snitches Get Stitches. That is just stupidity talking. This is a very real threat and needs to be taken care of quickly and by hands that are able to do it.
You need to understand that your family is your foundation, your strength. They are going to be there with everyone else is gone. Use that support honey, you definitely need to. The very fact that the girl is lying shows a lot about her character. Especially about something as vile as abuse at the hands of her grandmother. Perhaps getting in contact with her instead of your ex is a good idea. She might be able to shine a light on the whole subject.
As for your ex. The girl needs help. She is a walking time bomb. She is going to get someone killed. The very fact that she is spreading around all of this foolishness will attest for that. But you need to separate yourself completely from anything dealing with her. Do not talk to your friends about her, do not bring her up in conversation or anything. And if anyone says anything about what you supposedly done to her, you very calmly say, “Look, I would have never lain my hands on her, or any other female. If you know me, you would know that I wouldn’t,” and leave it at that.
But as I said, if it keeps happening, I would contact law enforcement. Explain the situation, tell them what is being said, and let them deal with it.
I want to ask my friends and family here to chime into this. This boy needs some help and I know that together we can do some good for him. Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
And thank you all so much. This one is a doozy.