Lilly Cat is not amused.

I am not a morning person.  Honestly, I am not an afternoon person.  I am a sleep until I am not cranky person.  I am a sleep all day, stay up all night person.  I have always been like that.  Keep that in mind for the following story I am about to tell.

Yesterday was a rough one for me.  I was scheduled for a CT Scan at 10am.  Now keep in mind, I am normally asleep at 10am.  Happily so.  The night before, I tried to lay down and sleep, but my body was having no part of it.  My brain was in overdrive.  So I thought, “Hell, I will just sleep when I get home.”  Then came the Barium Sulfate.  Instant dislike for my system.  It was a nightmare.  The flavor was fine, but being that I rarely eat anything sweetish, or anything at all for that matter, it didn’t sit right in my stomach.  I was at vomit level when I stepped into the office.  I said, as nicely as I could, “While you might be lovely people, I hate you all.”  I couldn’t help it.  It just slipped out.  They knew the moment that it was blaring out of my mouth that it was the Fluid of Satan himself talking.

I go back into the room with the giant tube for me to climb into.  They lay me down and then state that not only am I having to keep this noxious hell water in my stomach, I have to have an IV of contrast as well.  Okay, fine. I can deal with needles. I am all good.  But I will be sumbish if they couldn’t get a line in.  After 2 tries the woman goes and gets someone else.  They try and finally get that evil spike into my veins. AFTER DIGGING FOR 10 FUDGING MINUTES!!!  I am sore, I am even more grumpy, but I am also slap happy so it all evened out in the end.  After the CT I had to have another poke for posterity I am guessing, so 4 wonderful holes in my flesh.  YAY ME!  (I must note that I had no idea they would stab me in the forearm.  It was disturbing honestly.)

So I get home, SLEEP MODE ACTIVATED.  I woke up a few hours later, feeling like someone hit me with a bus.  I was nauseated, I had the exorshits.  It was hell on my system.  I stayed up as long as I could and went back to bed.  See, with me, if I don’t feel good.  I sleep.  I sleep a LOT.  I happily sleep a LOT.  I am damn good in bed, I can sleep for days.  But…..

4:30am this morning, I hear something.  Something foreign.  Something has broken the silence of my rest.  I wait for a moment and I hear it again.  My emergency phone.  Now, let me explain the emergency phone.  It is a little black POS phone provided (thankfully) by the government for families that are on disability and the like.  It has only 250 minutes a month for me to use for EMERGENCIES.  So I am like, “OMG IS MY KIDS IN TROUBLE?  IS MY FAMILY SICK?” so I come barreling out of the bedroom like I am Superman off to save Lois Lane from a horrible death.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have the theme music to accompany my flying.  Dammit.  I am looking all around and cannot find the little piece of evil crap.  I realize at that moment that what the hell am I doing?  I can’t see!!!  I had forgot my glasses. Now, that in itself is a travesty since I am blind as all hell.  I mean it is bad.  But anyway, a little angel comes out of nowhere and says, “Here momma.”  My daughter comes to the rescue.  I look at the phone, the number is unknown to me.  In my sleep-addled mind all I could think was of my son or my mother.  So I answer.  The conversation is as follows.

Me – “Um, hello?”
Some random strange lady person – “Who is this?”
Me – “Lilly, someone just called me.”
Random strange lady person – “I have an old phone book and was calling my son. I watch the news at 4:30 in the morning.”
Me (with eyebrow raised) – “Yeah, totally not him.”
Random strange lady person – “Sorry about that. I have an old phone book that I keep my numbers in and he has a new number.”
Me – “I want to stab you in the face.” Okay this part was just in my head. I didn’t threaten to murder anyone….
Random Lady is still going on about the news.
Me – “Bye and have a nice time watching the news.” and hangs up.

Now you see the problem here right? It is 4:30 in the morning, she is watching the news and calling people on the phone.  More precise is that she is calling ME at 4-freaking-30 in the morning.  And boy am I grumpy.  I have a headache.  I am nauseated.  Not a good moment.

At that moment, a deep-seeded emotion welled up inside of me that I never feel.  Hatred.  Pure and Sleep Riddled Hated.  I know that it was just my brain was not quite on right.  But I wanted to set her on fire.  I wanted to beat her within an inch of her life.  Now people, here is the thing.  I am a non-violent person.  Wasteful emotions like anger is not a part of my life.  I have had to suppress a lot of that in my life.  Being epileptic, I have to.  I keep myself in a calm even keel.  If I don’t, bad things happen.  I am not responsible for what happens during those moments.  But I felt it.  Pure rage, hatred, anger.  It was NOT a good feeling.  But at that moment, with my brain cloudy and as I stood in the middle of my dining room in only a pair of underwear and a t-shirt, I felt it.  And it festered for an hour before I laid back down.  My head aching so bad that I couldn’t open, or close my eyes.  Not sure how the hell that was working but it was happening.  My eyes were all squinty.  But finally after 2 glasses of soda, a couple of excedrins I was able to lay down and sleep.  But the good thing is that I found my glasses.

Now I am not angry, I am not upset, but I am still grumpy as all get out.  And my head still hurts.



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