I am not a morning person. Honestly, I am not an afternoon person. I am a sleep until I am not cranky person. I am a sleep all day, stay up all night person. I have always been like that. Keep that in mind for the following story I am about to tell.
Yesterday was a rough one for me. I was scheduled for a CT Scan at 10am. Now keep in mind, I am normally asleep at 10am. Happily so. The night before, I tried to lay down and sleep, but my body was having no part of it. My brain was in overdrive. So I thought, “Hell, I will just sleep when I get home.” Then came the Barium Sulfate. Instant dislike for my system. It was a nightmare. The flavor was fine, but being that I rarely eat anything sweetish, or anything at all for that matter, it didn’t sit right in my stomach. I was at vomit level when I stepped into the office. I said, as nicely as I could, “While you might be lovely people, I hate you all.” I couldn’t help it. It just slipped out. They knew the moment that it was blaring out of my mouth that it was the Fluid of Satan himself talking.
I go back into the room with the giant tube for me to climb into. They lay me down and then state that not only am I having to keep this noxious hell water in my stomach, I have to have an IV of contrast as well. Okay, fine. I can deal with needles. I am all good. But I will be sumbish if they couldn’t get a line in. After 2 tries the woman goes and gets someone else. They try and finally get that evil spike into my veins. AFTER DIGGING FOR 10 FUDGING MINUTES!!! I am sore, I am even more grumpy, but I am also slap happy so it all evened out in the end. After the CT I had to have another poke for posterity I am guessing, so 4 wonderful holes in my flesh. YAY ME! (I must note that I had no idea they would stab me in the forearm. It was disturbing honestly.)
So I get home, SLEEP MODE ACTIVATED. I woke up a few hours later, feeling like someone hit me with a bus. I was nauseated, I had the exorshits. It was hell on my system. I stayed up as long as I could and went back to bed. See, with me, if I don’t feel good. I sleep. I sleep a LOT. I happily sleep a LOT. I am damn good in bed, I can sleep for days. But…..
4:30am this morning, I hear something. Something foreign. Something has broken the silence of my rest. I wait for a moment and I hear it again. My emergency phone. Now, let me explain the emergency phone. It is a little black POS phone provided (thankfully) by the government for families that are on disability and the like. It has only 250 minutes a month for me to use for EMERGENCIES. So I am like, “OMG IS MY KIDS IN TROUBLE? IS MY FAMILY SICK?” so I come barreling out of the bedroom like I am Superman off to save Lois Lane from a horrible death. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the theme music to accompany my flying. Dammit. I am looking all around and cannot find the little piece of evil crap. I realize at that moment that what the hell am I doing? I can’t see!!! I had forgot my glasses. Now, that in itself is a travesty since I am blind as all hell. I mean it is bad. But anyway, a little angel comes out of nowhere and says, “Here momma.” My daughter comes to the rescue. I look at the phone, the number is unknown to me. In my sleep-addled mind all I could think was of my son or my mother. So I answer. The conversation is as follows.
Me – “Um, hello?”
Some random strange lady person – “Who is this?”
Me – “Lilly, someone just called me.”
Random strange lady person – “I have an old phone book and was calling my son. I watch the news at 4:30 in the morning.”
Me (with eyebrow raised) – “Yeah, totally not him.”
Random strange lady person – “Sorry about that. I have an old phone book that I keep my numbers in and he has a new number.”
Me – “I want to stab you in the face.” Okay this part was just in my head. I didn’t threaten to murder anyone….
Random Lady is still going on about the news.
Me – “Bye and have a nice time watching the news.” and hangs up.
Now you see the problem here right? It is 4:30 in the morning, she is watching the news and calling people on the phone. More precise is that she is calling ME at 4-freaking-30 in the morning. And boy am I grumpy. I have a headache. I am nauseated. Not a good moment.
At that moment, a deep-seeded emotion welled up inside of me that I never feel. Hatred. Pure and Sleep Riddled Hated. I know that it was just my brain was not quite on right. But I wanted to set her on fire. I wanted to beat her within an inch of her life. Now people, here is the thing. I am a non-violent person. Wasteful emotions like anger is not a part of my life. I have had to suppress a lot of that in my life. Being epileptic, I have to. I keep myself in a calm even keel. If I don’t, bad things happen. I am not responsible for what happens during those moments. But I felt it. Pure rage, hatred, anger. It was NOT a good feeling. But at that moment, with my brain cloudy and as I stood in the middle of my dining room in only a pair of underwear and a t-shirt, I felt it. And it festered for an hour before I laid back down. My head aching so bad that I couldn’t open, or close my eyes. Not sure how the hell that was working but it was happening. My eyes were all squinty. But finally after 2 glasses of soda, a couple of excedrins I was able to lay down and sleep. But the good thing is that I found my glasses.
Now I am not angry, I am not upset, but I am still grumpy as all get out. And my head still hurts.